I'm taking a departure from my interior design related posts today to write about something that is near and dear to my heart. I hope those who visit here for design will indulge me to share my thoughts of the day. Please forgive me if my grammar isn't proper or I make typos. I am writing this from my heart and that has to be good enough for now.
Today is Mother's Day, the day we celebrate mothers every where. I don't live near my Mom, so I wasn't able to be with her today. We will celebrate when I see her next which I hope is soon. We did gather with my husband's family for a beautiful Italian lunch at my favorite local restaurant, Luce. My mother in law 's name is Alice, but my third child, Hiller christened her "NeeNee" when he was a toddler. We had a fun lunch celebrating Nee Nee. The cannoli was almost as amazing as NeeNee, who is ninety years old. My husband's brother joined us as well as his daughter from NYC and son from California. We managed to scarf up a delightful three course meal and relish the time together.
Fred,Alice, Meredith, Rick, Bryant, (my husband), Hiller, Thomas (my sons), Mitch and me.
This is a hard day for me. Its also the anniversary of my son's tragic accident. Five years seems like a short time to most, but for me, it seems like a lifetime since I last gazed into those big brown eyes. The last time I saw Walker face to face was at a my niece, CharlesAnna's wedding the weekend before the accident. He left the reception early, because he spilled cocktail sauce on his tux shirt. Before Walker left that night, he came to say goodbye and gave me a hug. I will never forget his last words to me. "Mom, you are too busy, you need to slow down, you work too hard". I looked into his stern eyes and stared for a minute. Quick as a flash he said "Mom, I love you, I have to go now" and left. His words echoed in my head for the next three years.
After Walker's death, I vowed to never be "busy" again. I took three years away from my practice but I was miserable. I wasn't myself. My family and friends were worried about me. Little by little, I found my way back to my work and myself. I have thought a lot about his last words to me and have wondered if I should slow down, stop work or continue on my hurried path. My conclusion might surprise you, but I have come to peace with his words, because I know I am happiest, when I am busy and I love my work. I know Walker would want me to be happy in this life not miserable. I think God provided those last few minutes with Walker and those stern last words, to allow me to take one last look into his eyes. That moment was a snapshot that I memorized in my mind. When I miss Walker the most, I can close my eyes and see him that night. I can see those eyes. It was a gift I continue to give myself every Mother's Day.
Mother's Day is a bittersweet day for so many. I think about all the women who long to be mothers, those who have lost their mothers, those have never had a mother, and those like me who have lost a child. This post is for all who are struggling today. I know it isn't an easy day, but I hope you find solace in knowing I feel your pain and you will survive and be stronger for your scars. A wise man once said "it's in when we are in the valley that we grow the most because in the valley the soil is the richest." The valleys of life allow us to grow in ways we wouldn't if we didn't experience hardships If we don't experience death or tragedy we have nothing to offer others except our condolences. The condolences from those who have not experienced hardships are well meaning, needed and much appreciated, but those that know our suffering and have survived are the ones who give us hope of our own survival through circumstances we thought will kill us. Today I want you to know that so many hold you up! I leave you with pictures of beautiful flowers I took while in Los Angeles this past week for the La Cienega legends event. It was a magical time and I am quite sure Walker had a hand in my being there. Enjoy!
I have received many texts, notes, messages from Walker's friends this week. This morning I awoke to these beautiful from Walker's friends Harry and his brother Ryan. They were dear friends of Walker's. I hope Harry won't mind me posting the sentiment here, the card read:
"I want to thank you for bringing a son into the world that left such an amazing impact on me as well as so many others. I want you to know we all still think about and love Walker and look forward to the day we get to see him again. He may be gone but the impact he had on us will never be, he built a group of friends and put people together like no one I've ever met."
Thank you Harry and Ryan for my Mother's Day gift today. I will cherish not only the flowers and beautiful note but the love you have for my son. You made him come alive today and for that I'm truly grateful. Wow! What a gift!
To my friend, Donna who not only is celebrating Mother's Day but also mourning the day she lost her son, Michael....
To my friend Laura, who is celebrating Mother's Day without her son, Landon....
To my friend, Rebecca who is spending her first Mother's Day without her mom.
To my friend, Lisa's girls who are spending the day without their precious mom. We all still miss her.
To all of you who are struggling today....and there are many more...I leave you with one thought...
My you feel the love of your brothers and sisters who suffer along with you this day. My God hold you in the palm of his hand and give you the peace that surpasses all understanding.
May those of you who have your mother, or children to celebrate with today, embrace them and cherish the moments together.
Happy Mother's Day 2014!
To my own mother, I love you so much and am so happy your are my mother!
Most of the flowers in my photographs were designed by Julep Custom Florals of LA