Sunday, May 5, 2013

Part 2



I've had a lot of emails, calls and comments about what I wrote yesterday about the last day I saw my son, Walker.  It's true that you can't go back and change life but sometimes the takeaway is worth revisiting, especially if it is a good message to those around you.  Life rushes by so fast, it's hard to capture the true essence of what we are suppose to gleam from the moments that flicker through our minds and days.  I've come to grips with Walker's last words to me and those words have served to remind me to slow down, enjoy what I have, so that's a good thing.  Yes, it still hurts to think of those stinging words as the last he spoke to me face to face, but as my friend, Lisa reminded me today, "he would be ticked" if he thought that was the legacy he left behind. 



In fairness to Walker, the legacy he left me was to enjoy life, embrace the bumps, scraps and bruises, that this world deals to you and move on.   Am I bitter that I was dealt this terrible blow? Not totally.  "For it is in the valley that the richest growth occurs".  Do I see the world through rose colored glasses?  No.  The glasses have been traded for a very clear vision of what is real and honest in life.  I see situations and people very differently.  I know what is real and who is real.  I see pain and I see vulnerability.   I see the takers and the givers.  I can be honest and real.  I don't worry about what others think of me.  I do what I think is right because I know at the end of the day I have myself reflecting back at me in the mirror.
The loss I feel is self pity.  It's not for my son, because he is totally happy, that I'm sure.
Would I give a million dollars to see my son right now?  Why, yes!  Do I regret that I have to live my last days on earth without him?  Never got to see his wedding, children or watch him grow into the man I knew he would one day be?  
Yes and no....  you see, when my children were first born, my continual prayer has been to guide them with their faith in hopes they would someday reach Heaven and eternal life.  Guess what...I got my wish.   You see, when you lose a child, God provides a way for you to know without a doubt that your child is in Heaven, right where you always wish they would be.  Some people may read this and think I have lost my mind, but given my choices this is what I would chose.  Unthinkable, right?  Well, it goes a little like this...If God gave me the chance to go first and leave my children on earth, I would say no! This old world is too horrible for children to be left without parents.  Take my child because then I know they would be living more gloriously than ever on Earth.  The reality is no one would ever what to chose that option but once the choice is made for you, it's simple to see which is the more optional result.  Earth is hard.  It's always throwing you curveballs.  Heaven isn't like that.



As I said before, once you have a tragedy like I have experienced, God makes you privy to things you would otherwise never know about.  There have been some amazing things that have happened leading up to, during and after Walker's accident.  I am trying to record all the incidences so others can read about them in hopes of helping others see just how amazingly our lives are planned.  There are no accidents.  We waltz through life thinking we are in control.  We think we keep our children safe and that we are totally in control of our fate, but I argue otherwise.  Do we get to exercise "freewill"?  I think so as far as it comes to picking out what we are wearing for the day, the color of our car, or what we decide to do with our day, but the ultimate plan is not ours.  Relax, enjoy your life, watch for the signs, they are all in place.  Experiencing death be it your child, husband or friend opens your awareness to the life that is just over the bend.  Earth is just a dress rehearsal.  

 "The wound is the place where the Light enters you."   - Rumi
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17 comments:

  1. Lisa you are such a beautiful person so giving and kind. I so truly believe that you new chapter is just beginning and Walker is so proud of you. Love you lots and so glad you are in my life!

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    1. Thanks Karen, I feel the same about you!

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  2. Thank you for sharing this. I am sure some readers may think the subject too personal but I am sure that your words have changed the thoughts and perspectives of a few people. And if just one person chooses differently because your story, you have made an impact.

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    1. Kerry, I don't tend to share much about my personal life and you are right this is very personal. It is however, not my story and therefore I feel the need to share. It is much much bigger than I

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  3. Wow, this is very touching and surreal to hear. Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your life with me. Sometimes it's easy to get lost in our day and I really appreciate your openness and it does serve as a reminder to hug our loved ones. You are such a vibrant person and although I just know you by your blog...I'm glad I do!:)

    All the best,

    Laura Dro

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    1. Thanks Laura! I feel the same way about you!

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  4. Lisa, you inspire so many people with your words ... I have loved following you as a designer and what you are always up to ... and as a Mother who has had to deal with a pain I cannot even begin to imagine. But your love for God and the way you have handled this and shared this with others is nothing short of Grace ... I know that you are helping others heal as well. xo

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    1. Thank You Kim! Your words mean a lot to me! oxox

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  5. Sweet Lisa... What a pleasure it was to spend time with you while on Jekyll Island for The Southern C Summit! I am so glad that you and Holly were with us as I now have two new friends! Thank you for sharing about your precious Walker with me. As I read yesterday and today's post, please know that I am holding you close in my thoughts and prayers. Your words have really made me think and reflect. Thank you for this reminder. xoxo, Whitney Long

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    1. Whitney, I so enjoyed my time with you and the summit. Tomorrow's post is about the summit! thank you for all you did to make my time with you so rewarding, enjoying and rich! oxox!

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  6. Lisa - thank you for sharing - for being so open and honest with us. It would be so easy for someone to become bitter - towards others and towards God but you have not. I am not sure I could be so gracious. Somehow you still see beauty in the world and share it through your incredible designs.

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    1. Thanks Mary. YOu are such a wonderful person, I know you of all people would find the good in it. God would make sure of that. xoxox!

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  7. Thank you for "Part 2." You were able to put into words so many feelings I share but struggle to explain. It's faith and I am so glad that you are able to see all that you see. And you are so right that Walker is the lucky one!

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  8. Lisa, your posts today and yesterday are so filled with the amazing grace and beauty that I already know to be in your soul. In recent weeks, I have thought about Walker's last words to you as I "plan" my life for the coming year. I do not believe in coincidence... I know I saw both of your posts because I needed to hear your story in your words, to be reminded... to remember to enjoy the great gifts of life. Thank you my dear friend for sharing your wisdom and grace and for helping me find a place of peace. My prayers are with you today and in the days that lie ahead. Much Love, Tam

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    1. Thanks Tam! You are a very special part of my life and you already know that. I love the way you cherish your girls and know what is just the right about of you to give to them. Thanks for your prayers. We have so much to give to the world and the world will wait patiently while we raise our children.

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  9. Thank you for sharing this Lisa. I am sure that you have affected many many people who needed to hear those exact words. We are all Gods instruments, the peace comes from accepting which role he assigns....easier said than done! Sending you love and light. B

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