Letter to My Son on His 29th Birthday

Happy 29th Birthday Walker so much has changed since this 1st birthday picture of you was taken.  I remember thinking how hard I thought life was then, and I didn't have a clue how easy I had it.  All I knew is that I had waited my entire life to be a mom, and I was thrilled you were here.

You were my first born.   I learned how to be a mother from being your mom, and I'm sure you had battle scars to prove it.  Those first few years were a balance between learning what you needed and how to comfort you, but I enjoyed every minute.  

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This is your 6th birthday in Heaven.  It must be a glorious place to spend a birthday.  I cannot even imagine how special it is.  I dream about it from time to time, and when I do, I always wake up smiling because the dream always ends with me finding you and giving you a big hug and a kiss.  Every parent who has lost a child dreams about that reunion. 

I looked through your pictures when I was gathering photos for this post and I rediscovered something I have always known.  In every picture, you are smiling.  There are very few pictures of you alone.  In most of the pictures you are standing with your friends with your arms around them, smiling.  It is comforting to know you had a life filled with good friends and laughter.  

Always the jokester.  Life was good when you were around. 

 You made us all laugh. 

Thanksgiving - November 2008

Christmas 2008

We all miss you.  We talk about you often and laugh when remembering a funny Walker story or when I get a credit card offer for you in the mail.  One day I'm going to bundle all those offers up and air mail them to you in Heaven.  

Levi still looks for you if I ask "Where is Walker" when he is at our house.  He looks around like he expects you to walk in the door.  Your sister has done a great job of taking care of your dog.  He's visiting at your Dad's right now, but he is going to live in Raleigh at his new house soon.   I think he will like his new digs.  I'm here now hanging pictures and decorating.  

 

  

You have the best friends.  They don't forget you either.  I often get flowers and cards for Mother's Day, Christmas and other occasions from them.  I like to think that is because you were a good friend to them.  Oh, and I hope you know that a few of your friends have named their babies in your honor.  I hope those sweet little Walkers will bring their parents as much joy as you brought me in your 22 years.  

 Wow, hard to believe it's your 29th birthday son.  It is raining outside which seems appropriate because it represents the many tears I have shed since you left this Earth.   I cry when I miss you but I smile when I think of the happiness you brought my life and to all those who were lucky enough to call you son, grandson, brother, cousin, nephew or friend.  I often wonder what you would be doing if you were still on this Earth.  Would you be married?  Would you be a dad?  Would you be working for the family business?  Where would you live?  All those things will remain unknown, but the one thing I know and will always know is how loved you were by all.  

I don't always understand why things happen in life, but I trust God. This has been a difficult week losing our dear friend Owen, but I'm sure you were at the gates of Heaven to greet him when he arrived.  I can picture that reunion.  O was so upset when you left.  I know the two of you are cooking up some fun times.

I must get back to my work now but I want you to remember,

  I have loved you for 29 years and nine months, and I will continue loving you til the end of time.  Until we meet my sweet boy again...

Don't forget to be nice to everyone you meet, say please and thank you, and always, always remember how much your mom loves you!

War Eagle!

Happy 29th Birthday Walker, 

Love, Mom

P.S.  If you took the time to read this post, please follow my advice, and take the time to spend quality time with the people you love.  You never know when it may be your last day to share.  When Walker was born, I never dreamed I would spend his 29th birthday writing a letter like this instead of spending the day with him. ox